You Might
Be A Redneck Pilot If:
1. Your
stall warning plays "
2. Your
cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
3. You
think sectionals should show trailer parks.
4. You've
ever used moonshine as AV-Gas.
5. Your
172's wheel pants have mud flaps with a chrome silhouette of a reclining
nude.
6. Your
toothpick keeps poking your mike.
7. You've
ever taxied around the airport, just drinking beer.
8. You
wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
9. You use
an old "Sweet-mix Horse Feed sack" as a windsock.
10. You
constantly confuse "Beechcraft" with
"Beechnut."
11. You've
never flown a nose-wheel airplane.
12. You
refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy."
13. Your
matched set of lightweight flying luggage is 3 plastic
shopping bags
from Wal-Mart.
14. You
have a gun rack in the rear window.
15. You
have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling on.
16. You
figure mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations.
17. You
siphon gas from your tractor to go flying.
18. You've
never landed at an actual airport even though you've been
flying for over
20-years.
19. You've
ever ground looped to avoid hitting a cow.
20. You
consider anything over 500-ft AGL as High Altitude Flying
21. There
are parts on your aircraft labeled "John Deere."
22. You
don't own a current sectional, but have all the Texaco
road
maps for your
area.
23.
There's a brown streak down each side of your airplane; exhaust
on the right side
and tobacco on the left.
24. You
have to buzz the strip to chase off the livestock before
landing.
25. You
use an old parachute for a portable hanger.
26. You've
ever landed on
27. The
tread pattern, if any, on all three of your tires is different.
28. You
have a pair of fuzzy dice and some small copper shoes
hanging from the
Magnetic Compass.
29. You
put straw in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get
cold.
30. You've
got matching bumper stickers< "NASCAR # 3" on each side
of the vertical stabilizer.
31. There
are grass stains on the tips of your propeller.
32.
Somewhere on your plane, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I'd
rather be fishing, making love, or BOTH."
33. You
navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations.
34. You
think an ultra light is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
35. You
change your aircraft engine oil every 5 years, using old "Burnt
Oil" from your John
Deere.
36. Just
before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM heard you say, "Hey Y'all-Watch This!"